Regrets of yesterday and today
by Elmund9
Summary: Not only mistakes can become regrets. Marinette biggest regret was the best choice, she knows it deep down. (Set years after Miracle Queen)


Regrets of yesterday and today

Anniversaries are kind of funny, they can be just another date in the calendar, barely a blip in the mind, other times, when the promised day arrives, feelings overwhelm the senses and there's nothing but reminders at every corner.

At twenty-five, Marinette Dupain Cheng knew perfectly well that this anniversary would be as awful as the last one and she dreaded it even before waking up.

She opened her eyes, the mantle of sadness setting on her face and chest before any thought concreted in her mind.

"Are you fine, Marinette?" a little red creature, Tikki, asked the woman "You haven't gotten up yet"

Marinette blinked once before deciding to close her eyes, tired of the forever shining world "Do you remember master Fu?"

"Oh, today is that day" Tikki said, floating to the calendar and staring at the date for a few seconds before going back to Marinette's side "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It has been ten years, Tikki. All that time, I've been the guardian...and so many things have changed. This Hawkmoth isn't even the same than a decade ago….and all this time I…." Marinette didn't dare to finish, it was too shameful to talk about the most painful thing that happened that day, because it wasn't worth sadness.

The alarm on her cell phone set off and she grinned as one of her hands grabbed a fist of her dark hair. It was just her luck that an akuma decided to attack at that moment.

It made no good to just eat her voiceless scream, so instead of breaking into tears, Marinette stood up and called her kamui into action "Tikki, spots on!"

In one second, Ladybug was suited for battle and without waiting for the second bip, she jumped through the window and started her travel over the roofs of Paris.

Defeating the akuma just took half hour and once it was gone, she stared at the pure white butterfly flying away as if with that action she could free herself.

Chat Noir jumped to her side, probably expecting their normal fist exchange but she didn't react. She liked him, as a really good friend and ally, but that day, she wanted to forget all men on the face of the Earth.

His fingers, kind and sincere, graced her elbow and her heart skipped a beat. She turned to look him straight into his green eyes and wondered for a fraction of a second, what was their true color and how did they shine without any magic mask. It was ridiculous to admit, but sometimes, she pondered about the "ifs" between them. Their moment was long gone, Chat Noir had a girlfriend again and Ladybug, she just decided that romantic life and secret heroine work didn't match, but still, perhaps they did have a chance once upon a time.

"You seem kind of distracted" he mentioned softly, as concerned as any other year "Master Fu took the best choice, Ladybug. I know it's hard but…"

"No, no. Don't worry!" she turned her back on him, afraid that he would see her trembling lips and teary eyes. She wanted so hard to forget, but it was impossible to do when everything was hammering the existence of that day, of her big mistake. Of her more shameful, childish, regret "Don't you have to go on a date or something?"

She opened the door to him, even if it hurt, she wanted him away and running to the open arms of another woman.

"No. Not today" he put his hand on her shoulder and she tried to gulp her despair. Why was his touch so maddening now? Why did she still fail to move on? Chat Noir spoke again "We have been friends for years, Ladybug. I hope that in all those years, we have grown close enough to share part of our burdens, to trust our feelings in each other"

She bit her lips and stared at the distance.

Luka had been like that too. Someone supportive and good, offering and never pushing. Probably he knew about Ladybug. She was never brave enough to ask him and the guilt made her shy away from having a third anniversary with half lies and secrets. Luka had gotten mad for the first time then, throwing all the slights of Marinette in a terse, broken, voice. She found out he was depressed for months and before Marinette realized, even their cherished friendship was over she couldn't blame him.

The bitter pinning and constant ache that burned in the less expected moment, those feelings were old friends that punched her even in the preset. It was so painful to know it would never be

"I used to like a boy, do you remember" Ladybug said without turning to face Chat Noir "He was the kindest more caring person I have ever meet...and it's ridiculous, I'm being stupid, you will laugh at me"

After two beats of silence, Chat Noir spoke with a grave tone "I will never laugh at you, my lady"

"No, you'll never" she looked up at the blue sky, then turned her face a little, stopping short from being able to see him "But this, what I did that day, it was the most stupid thing I could ever do because I caused master Fu to lose his memory. And all of it because..."

A single tear fell from her left eye and she laughed at her own weakness "That boy, I liked him a lot. In a crazy way. And that day, he was on a date with another girl and I got jealous. So jealous that I screwed up and forgot to detransform before meeting master Fu"

Her voice became a whisper and she turned to face Chat Noir, her smile broken "But you know what hurts the most? Even more than losing Master Fu? Everytime I think about the end of that day, I remember that boy, I remember him sharing ice-cream with that girl. And it hurts, it hurts so terribly that my heart aches and my stomach empties. It's ridiculous, isn't it? How I just gave up on him and I'm still feeling a total fool"

"Ladybug" Chat Noir hugged her and she found herself shivering on his chest "I don't think is ridiculous" once she calmed a little, with his steady heartbeat as a comforting source, he talked again "Feeling loss for those sort of things is never ridiculous. You know, I have had three different girlfriends on this years. Everytime we break up, I feel that pain, a sting in my chest. It always fades. But, ten years ago, I had a very dear friend of mine, she was clumsy and shy" he laughed "But I loved her dearly as no one other friend. When I got with my first girlfriend, things changed. Before, my friend was everywhere, always a constant reassurance force, and suddenly, it was like she was gone. Some nights, I stayed awake, thinking about us, and asking myself, 'why did we drift away?' I still miss her, but, even as friend and girlfriends come and go, I'm sure, you and I, we'll be together and so I feel better. I just hope my friendship can bring you even as little comfort as yours gives me"

Romance and friendship, even if different, losing them always hurt. Ladybug sniffled and hugged Chat Noir hard.

Life sometimes didn't give what you wanted, but she really desired that Ladybug and Chat Noir, would forever have each other. And perhaps, one day, both would find happiness again.


End file.
